How to write your novel: show, don’t tell (B)
How did you go? Here are some suggested examples of showing, not telling from Part A.
Tell:
- Peter felt agitated as he waited for his son to call.
- Susie was furious with her sister for being late.
- Jason was excited that Chloe had accepted his invitation.
- Rusty the dog couldn’t wait for Jim to throw the ball across the park.
- The cat was contented as she sat on Julie’s lap.
Show:
- Peter paced up and down as he waited for his son to call.
- Susie ground her teeth as she glanced at her watch. Why was her sister always late?
- Jason whooped with delight when Chloe accepted his invitation.
- Rusty woofed excitedly and ran around in circles while he waited for Jim to throw the ball.
- The cat purred and closed her eyes as she was sitting in Julie’s lap.
Here is another example of showing, not telling from my novel The Yellow Dinghy Cafe.
Excerpt from The Yellow Dinghy Cafe
‘Are you from Australia?’ the woman asked, noticing the University of Sydney logo on her jumper, which Cybelle had borrowed from Cindi.
‘Yeah, I’m from Sydney.’
‘My nephew lives there. He goes to the University of Technology.’
Cybelle nodded politely. ‘Have you ever visited?’
‘No, but I’d love to see the Sydney Opera House and pat a koala bear.’
Laughing at the cashier’s incorrect assumption that the koala was a bear, Cybelle decided to have a bit of fun. ‘Just make sure you bring some insect spray and snake tongs.’
The woman recoiled in revulsion.
‘No, no, I don’t recommend handling snakes unless you’re an expert. Our anti-venom research is world-class, however,’ Cybelle said, chuckling.
If you’d like to buy my novel, which has lots of examples of showing, not telling, you can purchase it on Amazon, Kobo and Booktopia, as well as many other platforms.
